With sixty more minutes of Paul and Mary judging together, one last technical challenge and a concluding hour of Mel-n-Sue puns, we've reached the final of Series 7 of The Great British Bake Off.
Truth is, I've found the series to be a bit of a soggy bottom. I'm not sure if it's because the Bake Off had reached its zenith with the joy of Nadiya winning last year, whether they were scraping the (biscuit) barrel with some of the challenges or whether it's the knowledge the Bake Off as we know it has only 58 minutes left on the BBC, but I haven't been that excited by this series. Even more so now The King of Cool, Selasi has left the tent. Sure, I know the Charmer from Ghana's savarin sucked and he fluffed his fondant fancies, but the guy was the most charismatic contestant by far this year. Last week he took over Sue's presenting duties because he was bored and looking for something to do. Pure genius and telly gold.
But this year has had no custard sabotage, no bin-gate, no Nadiya- esque journey... infact, not even a well endowed squirrel. Instead it's felt a bit sterile and too competitive. Where's the jolly, friendly, warm, village fete tent of previous years gone?
Of course that's not going to stop me and 12 million others tuning in this week for a theme of 'Royal Bakes' fit for the Queen. Candice is hot favourite to win, having been star baker the most but my money is on Andrew who, just like a champion racehorse, is coming into form just in time, having won star baker last week. To celebrate the finale of #GBBO as we know it, I'll be joining in a game of Bake Off Bingo this Wednesday evening. Take a gulp of your favourite tipple or a large bite of your favourite cake for any occurrence of the following:
- Jane stares intently into the oven trying to send subliminal messages to her bake to perfectly rise
- There's a soft focus clip of the contestant's families speaking fondly of how they've loved baking since they were knee high to a grasshopper
- Andrew uses one of the following: protractor, adjustable set square, scale ruler or a compass
- Paul Hollywood takes enormous pleasure in viciously stabbing a contestant's intricate, lovingly created bake as the judging commences
- The camera focuses on a bank of kitchen timers that resemble the New York Stock Exchange
- Mary Berry dons yet another fashionable floral jacket
- Candice chews her bottom lip nervously as the judging takes place and yet her MAGIC LIPSTICK NEVER COMES OFF ON HER TEETH
- When asked who they feel might win, all previous contestant's carefully name a different finalist as the BBC is all about fairness
- Mel and Sue are just as awesome as usual (you might get rather drunk/full with this one)